I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You took a bar mat shot.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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