he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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