You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My dick has a subreddit
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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