it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
