Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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