Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
