I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
