All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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