i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
