and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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