Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
