He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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