I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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