At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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