I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
