Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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