i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
