Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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