you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
