as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize