4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
