When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
