i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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