it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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