How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Who died my cat blue again?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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