your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
