i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
