I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
