genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
