Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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