i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The best revenge is premature balding
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
