Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
