i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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