it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
