I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
