This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
