dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
