You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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