3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
