In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize