I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My dick has a subreddit
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