i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
