I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
