On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
