Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
