R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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