he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
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He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
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50% drunk capacity currently
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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