@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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