I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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