I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
