her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
