Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
