I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You made out with two different species that night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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