He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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