I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
