Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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