i just wanna soil my oats bro
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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