There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
