My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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