i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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