I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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