Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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