Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
