goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize