forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
