After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
