NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
