**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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