I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
