I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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