woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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