we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
